dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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