Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
