worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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