dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize