i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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