I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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