I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
