...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
