I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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