i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
