On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
