I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
