I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
