Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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