Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
