she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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