so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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