i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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