I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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