she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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