i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
