question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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