The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
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when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
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I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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