We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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