You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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