Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
