my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
