We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
