elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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