The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
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Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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