The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
