Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize