I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I party with great urgency now.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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