somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize