if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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