Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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