He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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