I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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