1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
