so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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