If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
