Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
