3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
