he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize