It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We left an ass print on the piano.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
