Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
