Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
