I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize