i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
