Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
