we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
