she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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