he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
