made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
