Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
