Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
