I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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