A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize