It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
