under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
