We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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