This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
