just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
