If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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