just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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