Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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