Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
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I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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