ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
