so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
