420 ftw
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
