we're blogging at a bar
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
