I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
