found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
