I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
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I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
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It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize