she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
