I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
