get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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