She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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