Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
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