Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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